This Too Shall Pass

Today went better than yesterday. I didn't even shed a tear. The underlying sadness is there, but the tears haven't fallen. Maybe it was the fact that I was home all day with the one person that can truly make me happy. Monkey was home all day for the first time since it happened. Thursday he was home, but honestly, as bad as this sounds, I was in a whole different place. I wanted to just sit and cry. I didn't know how to react to what was happening. I researched miscarriage today online. I feel the need to learn everything I can about what happened to me, to the baby. I feel stupid on the message boards, even though there are thousands of women out there that are going through the same thing I am right now. I feel for some reason that I should not grieve as hard as I am , like I am not justified in feeling what I feel. I was only six weeks, and I only knew for a week. Everyone around me is basically telling me that I need to suck it up and move on so that we can try again. I do want to try again. But I want to make sure that I am healed emotionally. I think that I am healed physically. The worst is over, but there is some pain still. I want to make sure that I am in a place that if this ever happens again, I will be in a place that I can handle it, and it won't break me down worse. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.